The first time in a long time I find myself back at my website. It had been three months now since GRS and to all intents and purposes my body has its' feminine look.

I should be ecstatically happy but as we move into the summer solstice I find myself with things to do that I would wish I did not have to do .

Elsewhere in my pages you will find how Meow Meow here pictured dozing away last summer lightened up my life and one day bought in a mate who we eventually christened Rusty.

Rusty, originally Sheba, until we discovered a little pink thing that a female shouldn't  have was a stray in extremely poor condition and close to dying .

We wormed him and fed him and slowly but surely he gained strength and became the slightly manic Rusty Rocket that we now know and love.

Unfortunately a neighbour died leaving an old Manx cat called Bobbie on his own and no relatives to take him in.

We rechristened him Grampie as he was very old and later discovered he was a she, we are not good at sexing our cats I am afraid.

We now had three cats and one problem  Grampie was old and the others were young, they liked to play and Grampie was a loner and definitely did not. There was a great deal of hissing and spitting until the young ones left the boss alone, and things settled down for a little while.

But of course as is the way, things are always changing. Meow Meow had been staying away for days at a time and it seemed that perhaps the arrival of Grampie was just too much. So one day Meow left, he had always returned before after trips away, some as long as two weeks. Always in good condition like he had found a new home, but as the weeks mounted and summer left for autumn I knew he was finally gone from my life. One day with great sadness I finally accepted he would no longer be with me.
Rusty and Grampie where with us although frequently Rusty would gaze across our field to the woods opposite seeming to try and will Meow Meow to appear. Eventually he too accepted that his playmate was gone.

Rusty tried many times to play with Grampie, but Grampie's age was against her and frequently Grampie would sort out the young whippersnapper. Rusty gave up and switched his exuberance to the catching of small prey in the woods, as summer and autumn gave way to winter's chill.

We had thought Grampie was about ten when she arrived and we could see that she had a few problems with her eyes. But she seemed reasonably fit if a little old, and would happily jump up onto the bed and the furniture.

But as the year gave way to 2005 her eyesight deteriorated until she now appears completely blind. As spring approached she can no longer jump up to the bed and she grew weaker by the day. I had my own problems with my GRS surgery at this time so it was with trepidation I watched Grampie's general health worsen. Where I had originally thought she was about ten years old when she came to us  I have now revised that to about fifteen or more and realise that her time is over. She has wormed her sweet little no tail way deep into my heart though but I have to think of her and not myself. She has only eaten about a small tin of cat food over the last ten days and is drinking gallons of water, the usual sign of kidneys failing. She is totally blind now and can only go outside if carried. She is so weak that she cannot even stand on her rear paws and has to let her feather like weight down onto her haunches. So today with breaking heart I will telephone the vets and start the ball moving that will take her from us quietly and kindly before she starts to feel  pain of approaching death.

That of course leaves just Rusty Rocket. As he sensed her weakness he has been bullying her quite a lot. We cannot blame him it is nature's way with animals when they are coming to the end, and so we had started making arrangements to re-home him not realising how fast Grampie was passing out of our lives.

Now I would like to keep Rusty as it will be strange and somewhat lonely not having a pet in the house with me while Kizzie is at work but he is already promised to another and I will not be selfish enough to deprive them now. Anyway in the end it is probably best that we have no more as since my transition I too easily find myself attached to those I love and find a broken heart inside me more than I want to.

I said it would be a while before I came back to this keyboard to add another entry and it has been but I just wish it had been a happier story I had to tell for my return.

Update summer 2005. Rusty Rocket stayed with us in the end as the person who was going to have him left him for near on a month. I had already given up the idea that he was going to another and so yes I became selfish and we kept him. He has bloomed now he is the only one at home, absolutely soaking up affection and regularly bringing treats for us to share. Dear sweet kitten.